Anyone need a handy woman?
I like to consider myself a modern woman. I’ll have a go at most little DIY projects. I have my own drill (check me out!), my own tool kit (and all the bits get put back every time I use it) and I’ve even got adjustable spanners. I have put up all the curtain rails in my house, fixed the leaky kitchen sink, mended the leaking toilet and flush. I know how to check the oil, water and tyre pressure in my car, add screen wash and change any faulty light bulbs. I will confess that I recently let my partner do this for me and it felt odd!
Recently, I’ve been having trouble with the bathroom door. There is a point to all of this, don’t worry. The door handle keeps coming off. I’ve re-positioned it, tried to fill the holes, used match sticks to try to help keep the screws in and still, the door handle keeps pulling off. I felt like I had tried everything and really didn’t know what else to do.
And then a friend came for coffee and needed the loo. She laughed about the door handle and I explained what I’d done and how I didn’t know what else to do with it. And she said “why don’t you get a different handle?”. I said that it wouldn’t matter because the surface area around it was all damaged so a different handle would come off too. But then she pointed out that if I got a handle with a rectangular base it would fit in a completely different place. Genius! So, 2 different bathroom door handles later (because the first one didn’t fit), I have a working door handle and lock.
Are you plugging the holes?
I had gotten so wrapped up in the problem that I couldn’t see the solution although it was obvious really. I kept trying to fix what was there, kept plugging the holes, attaching the handle back on to the damaged wood when there was no way it was going to stay there, stay fixed.
And this got me thinking. I often find that people I talk to are so wrapped up in going over and over their problems, talking the same stuff, trying to see different angles of the same stuff but always focusing on the problem and reinforcing things in their minds. They tell themselves that they don’t care about it any more but they are fooling nobody. Not even themselves.
Your thoughts create your reality
My friend saw the problem objectively, and saw the solution straight away because she hadn’t spent ages focusing on the problem, worrying away at the same damaged wood with a screwdriver.
In the same way, I often find that once I show people how to let go of the problems they are holding onto, focusing on, they often see the solution. By letting their mind relax, letting go of that emotional “wood” they can see a more positive way forward.
When you focus on problems, you will only see problems. When you focus on what you want, often the solution or the pathway becomes clear and it feels so good to be on the other side of those problems. Stuff will always happen. But how you think about it can drastically change how you feel about it.
And if you need some help to change the way you think, I can help.